Sitting at the "stockyards" of fort worth, Texas. I am very confused as I look around and see so many people infatuated with the fact that here in Texas they slaughter more cows than anywhere else in the world. The stockyards is an area I personally don't find happiness. If there is happiness within the confines of raising and killing animals, I don't seem to get it. Oh well. It is my reality, I'm just trying to figure it out. Now I await the delivery of my mushroom pizza after watching the rest of my crew devour some very tasty looking portions of beef soaked in barbecue sauce.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Starting to get back into my zazen practice and reading I have found far less clarity, and yet an understanding I didn't know I remembered. Sitting still, allowing what is and what isn't to come to the forefront of my limited understanding, I have realized absolutely nothing. In this nothing I have found nothing, but everything seems to be involved in it more deeply than when I allow myself to become Tim... This makes no sense to anybody who reads it, and it makes no sense to what I understand as me, but it just is. Isolation is merely a blindfold and a blindfold is isolation. I enjoy the opposite as much as the opposite enjoys me, as much as I enjoy the same and the same enjoys me.
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Too many topics to cover. I will say craigslist seems to change what.you are presented with as options in the personals section based on ur past page visits with them. If you seem to click on a certain type of fetish repeatedly, it then starts to produce more of those options for you. Great way to keep a person plugged in but a bit scary for the user.
Monday, August 19, 2013
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Traveling changes you as a person. The way you perceive the world changes. Your ability to listen to others changes. Sitting at the bar eating dinnner listening to people talk/brag about their travels. All I can see and hear is another lonely person draped in alcohol.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
She gave me more than she'll ever know. I never let her see it when she needed it. I guess I'm pretty selfish. Luckily I'm given an amazing thing to pay my penance with... My job. I won't make the mistake of taking things that are a blessing in my life for granted ever again. Ahhh... Who am I kidding? I will continue to mess up. All I can do is remember to be a better man in respect for the things she showed me. Love is real. You become truly aware of love when it's lost, because it survives somewhere in everything you do.
So here I go, moving forward, and never forgetting the breath I was given with the last forward stride.
Life is amazingly beautiful. We survive the deepest pains, and are filled with hope when we believe all hope is gone.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
If you are reading this, then you don't do what everybody tells you to do. I think we might get along. Anyways this is a random blog post mostly to entertain my idea that somebody out there is listening. I'm currently looking out the window of a Learjet cruising at 41,000' moving pretty fast too. My overall perception of the planet we call home has dramatically changed over the course of the last two years. Traveling a couple thousand miles per day has become normal, but that isn't the biggest personal change I have experienced. Yes, the world has become much smaller in my mind, and yes I enjoy the nomadic lifestyle, however there is something that happens to, well, at least my brain, with the constant change of scenery, culture, food, temperature, times, beds, people, and anything else you can possibly fathom. As I travel to and fro experiencing all of these things I am noticing the person I once thought I was being broken down, or pulled apart. Almost as if I was once a puzzle with pieces being placed daily, painting a picture of the guy I was becoming, to my current state, which can only be described as an exponentially expanding collage. There are still parts of the puzzle left, but as more is added to the overall picture, the puzzle is becoming less noticeable. It is strange being plugged into multiple cultures over the course of only 24 hours. For instance, a conversation in NYC will be quick, informative, and to the point, no matter who or why you are conversing. Then only a few hours later you can attempt to carry the same conversation with a person in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.... But it will almost always involve some sort of cultural process of empathy or nosiness, depending on your personal ideas on reasoning human interaction. None the less, I am experiencing a lot. I have always had a strong belief: that which does not kill me will make me stronger. I still hold onto this saying and appreciate it daily. I am not saying by any means I am physically dying, but I will say the psychological aspect of understanding life that I once understood is becoming convoluted as I continue to absorb everything described above. Life is funny. We all want, almost need, to feel we are creating a lasting impression somewhere in the world. The problem I see with this is the majority's understanding of "somewhere" is primarily a physical understanding of a location, or group of people. Anyways, shutting the thinker off for now. Back to a mindless game to pass a few more hours. One more thing before I go. People keep telling me to live for myself. If anybody can give me advice on how this is possible I'll gladly hear it, but probably won't listen. Peace.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
I'm sure I will have more to write about in regards to the life of a Craigslist personals Junkie, so please come back for more. Or comment, and tell me how you feel about my comments.
One last time, I must reitirate, I am not claiming any of the information contained in this post is based on what is often referred to as "hard evidence.". I have experienced Craigslist with my own body, mind, and soul and in trade have taken years off my life, not to mention the significant hurdles it has caused for me personally, all due to my thirst for knowledge and understanding; My desire to travel where few men have traveled before; My persistence in fulfilling my own selfish agenda of ultimate exploration and true spiritual connection and understandig. This is my interpretation of experiences so take it or leave it. If you believe all of this to be factual and reference or quote any of the information I have written, in speculation, in an effort to promote your personal or organization's agenda, please provide me with your information, including full legal name and address, so I can send you a thank you card for referencing my blog and scamming off of my sacrifices instead of doing your own research. Basically what I'm saying is, do some research on ur own, educate yourself, then talk to me about what you think you know. I do not recommend entering the Gates of Craigslist personals, but if you choose to do so, there is a lot to be learned, and to be shared.
Friday, June 7, 2013
I hide Behind a burning cigarette
I hide behind myself
All Life continues...
My Life seems to remain
Holding onto extinct feelings
Living to feel what cant be felt
Desires to feel it all once again
Wanting to feel loved
Wanting to feel needed
Wanting to feel euphoric
Wanting to just.... feel
Feel Physical feelings
Feel Fleeting feelings
Please fucking let me feel something
But, Feelings never return
I dive forward
Leaping Into an abyss of perceived feelings
Breathing expired air
Living for what is no more
I am afraid of tomorrow
I am afraid of yesterday
I am afraid of perception
Once I felt so good
Once i felt so bad
Once, i fucking felt
Feelings never recall themselves
Feelings never care
Feelings are impossible to recreate
I offer words of manipulative wisdom
I offer helping hands
I offer my physical self
Thus, I die every day
Deeper i sink into recollection
Hiding behind the nonsense i speak
Hiding behind perceived intellect
Hiding behind .....my .... Self
Perceived intellect and advice as follows:
Feel alive just one time
Chase that feeling
Chase the high
Chasing and never leading
Living for moments once had
our feelings become paint
On the canvas of lives we've touched
Our lives, they are our paintbrush.
I paint clear.
Whats your color?
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Saturday, May 11, 2013
For the first time ever; an in depth journey into the dark and deviant underbelly of the technologically connected human mind.
There is a world we all know exists, and I would venture to guess many of you that read this have found yourself browsing through this very place. I am even willing to go out on a limb and assume you have clicked through this place on more than one ocassion. With our increasingly physical and emotional social disconnect due to increased demands on our perceived virtual personas, aka the social networking era, we as human beings are beginning to instinctively yearn for the connection that is innate in all of us; Physical, sexual, and emotional connection with another person. This place we will dive into is filled with ideas, opportunities, thoughts, pictures and words; but most importantly, it's filled with people. These people are uncensored by societal norms. They are free to discuss or request their deepest, darkest desires and secrets. These desires are revealed millions of times per day in this place. This will be an ongoing extensive and uncensored look into the Casual Encounters, or No Strings Attached section of our favorite bargain shopping site, Craigslist. The purpose of this article is to provide insight into the minds that venture into this dark corner of the internet, and hopefully shed some light on a topic that has been ignored due to it's embarassing and extremely personal nature. There will be no personal information shared, and no identities revealed, other than the identity of me, the writer of this article. This is a completely unbiased, strictly educational article, with no intentions of pushing sets of beliefs on any one person or group. I hope you enjoy reading as I continue to post and I welcome others insights and stories.
Be on the lookout for more!
Monday, April 29, 2013
Thank you for reading, and please pass it on. Touch the world. It touches back.
Friday, February 15, 2013
Friday, February 1, 2013
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
|How to fit a guitar in my backpack?|
First post= I'm supposed to talk all about myself.... but all I am is an ego. My accomplishments mean nothing in comparison to the spiritual journey I have continued to embark on my entire life. Filled with questions from the day I was born, "why" has always been my favorite word. You could say, I am currently very deeply fascinated with the world of Buddhism and Hinduism. Anyways, I digress. Since this writing is only a material subject, I will speak only briefly about who I am and what this supercalafragelisticexpialidocious? shit... I probably spelled that wrong. anyways, I will briefly tell you about "me" so "you" know who "you" are dealing with. Hopefully it will be enough for you to move onto another blog, and I wont have to worry about continuing to post here as I am lazy, and I much prefer a pencil and paper when I need to jot thoughts. I am 27 or 28 or something, I can't really remember. I am a male. My name is Timothy, like the angel. LOL. You gotta love the LOL overuse today by the way... it is completely ridiculous. Anyways, as you can already see, my mind ventures and is constantly thinking. Luckily I am not the best at typing so it should slow me down to an understandable level. Now onto my work, what I do, what they say "defines ME"... once again, me only being an object of matter, material, accomplishments, failures, regrets, STUFF, etc. Not truly defining my soul... if I have one? I am a paramedic, and have been for 9 years. I have worked the streets in some sketchy neighborhoods, worked my way up to become a union firefighter/paramedic, then had a quarter life crisis of sorts including a super awesome divorce, and decided to quit it all. This was the period I like to say, I started chasing the sunset. Obviously, I came back to the "real world" (if you really believe this is the real world) after some spiritual searching, and I went back to the streets as a medic, continuing to bear witness to horrible human suffering. I worked my way up again, and got into flight medicine, becoming a flight paramedic on a helicopter in Arizona. Helicopters suck by the way. They are small, hot, they crash a lot, and they are expensive as hell. I attained a lot of learn-ed magical powers while I was a critical care flight paramedic; such as, how to play into customer service, how to smile when I saw somebody being treated improperly in a sending facility, because retention of future business means retention of a paycheck... immoral? I dunno... I always fixed what needed to be fixed and took them where they needed to go. Oh, and I did learn a ton about labaratory value analysis, ventilator management, physiology and its relation to altitude, and have vastly expanded my knowledge of pharmacology. Another thing I learned when I became a flight medic was I am really good at what I do. I don't like compliments, nor do I receive them well, but ok. To every person who told me I am the best they've seen at what I do... thanks, I guess... you have fed my ego well o' wise ones. Anyways, I currently work on a worldwide air ambulance, frequenting all areas of the world onboard a private jet, staying in schwaggy hotels, riding in sweet pimped out town cars, eating like a fat kid, oh yeah, and providing a last hope to so many. I truly love my job and what I do. As a paramedic I am in a very rare line of work, and feel blessed to do the job I do. I have gone from just delivering people to the closest hospital, to delivering them to the closest most appropriate hospital, to now taking people to the most appropriate facility based on their needs as well as their family needs. This can be as simple as taking a little old lady back near her children to die, or taking a dying 3 y.o. girl to her last hope for treatment at a specialized facility anywhere in the world. I like to say, I have finally found a job that I get to be a part of providing hope. Hope is the most powerful medicine for the human soul, whether living or dead. The details of my material life are extensive, and non-essential to this blog or "me". "I" am "me", always will be, and never was. I've decided to stop packing a large suitcase with more clothes than I need when I travel for a week for work. Luckily I got a SweeT backpack! Time to pack, hitting the road tomorrow. -Peace, Love, and Cheetos Grease